Soul Surgery

Ashes to Ashes

2012-02-17T09:39:00.003-08:00

Next Wednesday is the beginning of the season of Lent for 2012.

Wednesday morning in a little stone chapel that takes me back to my time in England and a boy's chorus chanting praises to God, I will receive the ashes to mark my forehead in the shape of a dark cross, thus initiating my own season of personal humility and repentance, and thankfulness for what God has wrought in my life.

A new season, a new path, a new beginning in many ways.

It's been a very difficult season these past 4 years....the last year being one of the most beautiful, and the most difficult and challenging of my life. I have experienced Love in real ways through the care and affection of others, and have come to realize that when I am the most lost, that is when the Presence of God presses in to me in a way that defies description. He disappears in all the usual ways, but becomes present in a way that is completely "Other." He becomes completely "unexpected."

Somehow, over the past year, I think I just became so discouraged wrestling with God over my crazy journey and unmet expectations that I lost my way for a while and my heart wrecked. But if we stay connected. If we repent and turn towards God, he makes everything new....even if that repentance is nothing more than being face down in the dirt, and unable to move......at least you're facing in the right direction when you finally have strength or courage to stand.

I am preparing my heart for Lent. It is my favorite time of the year. This year especially. My heart is ready and even hungry for God. I know He will speak.

Last year I was so filled with anger and despair and disappointment I was deaf to whatever love and wisdom he tried to convey.

This year, my hands are open. I'm returning to the basics: Nouwen, Rich Mullins, U2, and praying the scriptures; because sometimes you need to preach to yourself, and sometimes you just need to be silent to hear Truth.

I believe this year there will be a lot of both. If Merton is right, then I feel somehow the hard journey on my seven-story mountain has brought me to a new path.

I see beneath my feet green grass and a sandy path that leads to a place I do not know and an adventure I cannot anticipate. A little scary, a little thrilling. And I am ready for the "next."

REST

2011-08-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

Rest.
This weekend I returned to Colorado Springs, and to the reunion of hearts that I have longed for. I finally was able to sleep in Hannah's bed at the Linder's and listen to Dolce the cat complain about not enough treats and attention, all the while watching Doctor Who and the PBS series Downton Abbey with Dave. I got to hug my Pastor, and the Puckett's and the Flannery's. And I got to spend quality time with a dear friend with whom I share an Oasis of rare trust.
Rest.
Father Ken has been preaching a series on Rest. What it is. What it isn't. The Rest of God. Entering in to that rest fully, even in the midst of brokenness, weakness, imperfection, and doubt.
Rest.
And this weekend, even in the midst of my own dark tunnel, I felt I moved a little closer to the Light.
I was able to see a little more clearly the shape of things both before and behind.
And I felt at rest. Real rest.
Oh, I'm still a bit anxious over what the future holds. I am still holding tightly to my dreams and visions of what could be.
But as Father Ken said today, sometimes the enemy of real Rest is the "What If's..." and now I am given the assignment to guard my heart against going back to the land of "what if" and instead, to simply live one breath at a time and, for now, stay on my face and keep crawling towards the Light I know is waiting to envelope me, when I am ready to step into it once again.
I'm not there yet.
I've been far too comfortable in the darkness.
My eyes are still getting used to the idea of seeing again.
Slowly, slowly I move forward.
But at least I know, I'm not alone in this place.
and even though it felt like it for a long, long time,
I know I never have been.
And I believe more than ever, especially after today,
that no matter what the future brings, I will not be alone ever again.
It is a rare thing to find a Pearl of great price.
I understand now what it means to be willing to sell all you have to possess it.
To make it really, really yours.
The sacrifice is worth it, after all to find
the place where my heart is truly at
Rest.

Searching in the Dark

2011-08-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

It's been a strange journey for me these past several months and I haven't posted on my blog for a while.

I've been going through my own "Soul Surgery" journey and, as usual, didn't feel as if I could write about it until I was on my way out the other end of the tunnel and could look back and gain some wisdom about what I was going through. Otherwise, this blog would have just been about pain, pain, and more pain! Ugh!

I'm still in the tunnel, but I can see the light shining through from the other end and have decided to stop at this moment and turn around to see what, if anything, is illuminated behind me.

What do I see?

Everything is still pretty dark. But, just barely, I am able to see the outlines of some of the all-too-familiar furniture of my life that I kept bumping into and tripping over as I stumbled through the darkness.

I now look back, eyes dilated to catch every ray of light, on my hands and knees. I haven't stood up in a long time. Once you get banged around enough, you learn to get as low as you can and just feel your way through. Moving forward in the dark is not without some degree of injury, and the flesh of my heart bears witness with the cuts and bruises and wobbly knees to prove it.

I'm weak. Heart sick. Hurt. But I'm moving. I'm moving forward. Slowly. Every day I am on my face before God. Still unable to look up, but ever mindful of His Presence and watchful eye. The vitriol I have spouted at Him over these past few months has been a vile concoction of anger, hurt, sorrow, and accusation. I have stood with the Accuser and pointed my finger in hurt and sadness and anger and poured it all out into a bowl meant for my prayers.
What manner of incense has risen to his nostrils from my life these past 9 months? I can't be glib about this. Many would say, "Oh, He's a big God, he can take it." But that's not the point. I know His heart has been sad over me because I have done my best to walk away from Him in anger because of my great disappointment and unanswered prayer.

The point isn't whether or not I've offended Him. The point is, that
I WANTED TO.
And there are still parts of my heart that are so broken that I still do.

Right now, in the tunnel, I am beginning to see the shape of things behind me after many months of blindness. It is not a bad thing to look back to see with eyes wide open what you could not see because of the darkness. Blind to things right in front of you, you smack right into them and get pretty banged up. What revelation even a little light brings. Searching in the dark for something that can only be discerned in the Light is a delicate and painful affair.

So, I am on my face. I am at the feet of Jesus. I am mute but He hears my heart. He attends to me. He has not moved. But I have. I just don't know where I am any more, but I have a feeling that once on the other side and my blindness is past I will find myself in a totally new place.

Until then, I'm getting the feeling that while my eyes are still dilated and I can still see shapes in the darkness, perhaps this is a good time to look back and try to figure out what needs to be done with that furniture so the next time (and knowing me, there will be a next time) I won't get so banged up trying to get through the darkness to the other side. I need to figure out what that furniture is, and what its proper place is in the home of my heart...if there is one. Maybe an Estate sale is in order....or a bonfire.

And, finally, a personal note to my friend, Kathy Helmers. This blog is in answer to your request that I blog my Journey...you said you would want to read it. Here it is. Believe me, this is a "sight" better than what would have been written at the time you first encouraged me to write about my journey. It's impossible to write with any wisdom in the dark. You are a tremendous friend. Thanks for your encouragement.

Present day Idol Equivalents, Part 1

2010-10-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

" For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty in God for the pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every HIGH THING (emphasis mine) that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ...." 2 Corinthians 10: 3-4a

So how do these ancient false gods appear to us in our lives and culture today?

Molech: the god of victory, power, and knowledge. The god who accepted only the most virginal and pure and powerful sacrifices in order to bring prosperity to his worshippers. A demon from hell sent to promote the pursuit of power and knowledge in order to ultimately kill, steal, and destroy the spirits of men. Children were sacrificed, the brave were sacrificed, innocence and virginity were sacrificed, purity was sacrificed.

" Knowledge is Power" Ring any bells?

Do we really believe that these demon gods were only present in ancient times? They are more present and more powerful today than at any time in history. They still seek to convince our children that only through power (celebrity), knowledge (the best education at the best schools), and victory (playing sports or bullying others/hurting others for personal gain, believing that we have to be RIGHT all the time) that they will be valuable, acceptable, worth the breath that is given to them.

Conversely, our children (and perhaps ourselves) believe that without popularity, moving in a certain circle of people or society, not having a good education or completed school, or without a cultural measure of "success" that we have very little or no value to the world or our community.

So, day by day our children (and we, too?) pursue all those things that will help us feel valued, worthy, and important in the world somehow. Status. Worth. Value. Importance. Significance.

We worship at the "high place" of this not-so-ancient god because we still do not believe that we are loved, accepted, worthy, valuable, and significant....just as God makes us to be through Jesus. And it is only through a deepening relationship with Jesus that the Holy Spirit can reveal these places of barrenness and give us the opportunity to let Him fill us up and heal us and give us identity and purpose that is not of this world....and help us TEAR DOWN the HIGH PLACES in our hearts where we go to worship that false god.

The false god of power, knowledge, and victory (having to be right all the time) will only kill, steal, and destroy our spirit and our self-worth and cause us to sacrifice our children, our purity, our innocence, our courage, and our destiny because we believe a lie.

next time: Ashtoreth

Coram Deo,

Tess

High Places: A History Part 3

2010-09-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

Why is it important to understand the ancient origins of the "high places?" Because they have specific spiritual applications TODAY in our lives. And, once you see the connections, it makes a HUGE difference in the way you think and behave in your life daily.

I believe that most of us are spiritually aware enough to be able to make the connections once we have the knowledge. So, here goes! Let's look at some of the specific idols and false gods worshipped by our spiritual ancestors and why Yahweh warned against giving our hearts over to them.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, and only superficial descriptions are recorded here. But I believe there is enough information to get us started!

Molech (MO-leck; aka Moloch, Milcom, Tophet): A derivation of the Canaanite word for "King." Some say the term only refers to the pagan kings, but since most pagan kings considered themselves to be the incarnation of their gods in the flesh, this is still consistent.
A demon god worshipped to bring Power, victory, and knowledge. To worship Molech/Moloch is to worship POWER.
Sometimes symbolized by an Owl but primarily symbolized by a man with a bull's head and horns. His worship required living sacrifices, usually of first born babies, children, and virgins because of their purity. Parents were forbidden to weep over their sacrificed children.
Is referenced in Leviticus 18 & 20, 2 Kings 23 and Jeremiah 32:35.

Ashtoreth (aka: Ishtar, Astarte,"the Evening Star", Aphrodite, Venus, Juno, Tanet, Tophet): known as the "Queen of Heaven" she embodies "Mother Nature:"
Some controversy arises with a small gnostic sect who consider Mary, the Mother of Jesus, to be a deity and refer to her as the Queen of Heaven, and "Sophia" (the female "wisdom" trait of God) who is also equated with the goddess Athena, goddess of wisdom. Mary, Mary Magdalene and Sophia are considered to be the female goddess trinity equal to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
King Solomon worshipped "Sophia" at the "high place" of Ashtoreth
To worship Ashtoreth is to worship reproduction, womanhood, nature, and wisdom.
A female warrior goddess closely associated with the worship of the Ba'al's who was worshipped to bring victory as well as fertility to people, livestock, and crops. Her symbols were the lion, the dove, the horse, the sphinx and the star.
Her temples were usually filled with "temple prostitutes" both men and women, and worshippers were required to have sex with them in order to be blessed. Orgies were not uncommon during festival seasons and to have intercourse with a temple prostitute was required and considered the same as achieving union with the goddess herself.
She also was often symbolized by an Owl but most of the time by a big breasted, very curvaceous female statue which people kept in their homes.
On her "high places" were phallic poles inscribed with incantations and praises to the goddess. She is still worshipped today in occultic circles.
Referenced in 1 Sam 5:2 among others.

Baal (aka: Merodach, Bel, Bael Zebub, Hadad ): means "the Lord, Owner, or Master" in ancient semitic tongues;
considered to be a "King of Hell"; a demon god who was worshipped by pagans as the god of Rain & Thunder, agriculture, and is sometimes also equated with Satan or "Lord of the Flies."
His cult symbol was the Bull or the Goat or a Fly.
He was son of Dagon, the god of grain in ancient Semitic cultures. Dagon is referenced in 1 Sam 5:2.
The "Ba'al's" are referenced in Judges 2 & 10, 1 Samuel, 1 Kings, and Hosea among other places in the holy scriptures.
Often depicted by either a bull, a cat, a frog, or a crowned being with the legs of a spider. (all these "familiars" are also associated with witchcraft today.)
Ba'al worship was supposed to bring prosperity and provision

Next time: present day equivalents

Tess

High Places: A History

2010-09-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

So, what is the origin of the term "high places?"

In ancient times, the pagan cultures who inhabited Canaan and the regions surrounding the "promised land" were consumed with worshipping idols and gods they had created to represent the forces of nature they did not understand and had no control over.

The prophet Isaiah, describing their process of worship and creating their idols put it this way:

" He cuts down cedars for himself, and takes the cypress and the oak; he secures it for himself amount the trees of the forest. he plants a pine, and the rain nourishes it....

Then it shall be for a man to burn, for he will take some of it and warm himself; yes, he kindles it and bakes bread;

indeed he makes a god and worships it; he makes it a carved image, and falls down to it.....

and no one considers in his heart, nor is there knowledge nor understanding to say, 'I have burned half of it in the fire...and shall I make the rest of it an abomination? Shall I fall down before a block of wood?'

He feeds on ashes;

A deceived heart has turned him aside; and he cannot deliver his soul, nor say, 'Is there not a lie in my right hand?' " Isaiah 4414, 15, 19, 20

The "high places" were the elevated locations (hills, mountains) where the people would set up their carved idols and place an altar and sacrifice to their gods. The sacrifices required were quite often the babies and children of the worshippers. In some cases it was the strongest male or the virginal female who would be sacrificed. Sometimes, "mini-idols" and places of prayer were set up under large trees in a flat area where people could easily step off the road to pray or place a gift or sacrifice. We still see this practice today all over Asia, especially in India where they have hundreds of gods they still worship. We also still see it all over Africa where Idols and their altars are placed on the tops of houses and they are called the "family gods." Some of these represent ancestors to which the people still pray.

As time went by, they built grand temples and pyramids with altars on the top...man-made "high places" with a great fire at the bottom and a slide upon which they would put their children and roll them down into the fire to be consumed. Yahweh declared these practices and the entire culture to be an abomination on the earth and strictly forbade the Israelites, the chosen ones, to interact, inter-marry, or to have anything to do with them.

His command was to come out and be separate from them, to keep stay pure and holy in God's sight. He commanded them to utterly destroy every last vestige of these cultures when they were victorious in battle, so none of His chosen ones would be tempted to worship these false gods of wood and stone.

Next time: specific gods/goddesses

Tess

Blessings & Curses: Going up to the High Places

2010-09-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

“And it shall be that if you earnestly obey My commandments which I command you today, to love the Lord your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, then I will give you the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the latter rain, that you may gather in your grain, your new wine, and your oil. And I will send grass in your fields for your livestock, that you may eat and be filled.

Take heed to yourselves, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them, lest the Lord’s anger be aroused against you, and He shut up the heavens so that there be no rain, and the land yield no produce, and you perish quickly from the good land which the Lord is giving you.”

“For if you carefully keep all these commandments which I command you to do---to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, and to hold fast to Him---then the Lord will drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess greater and mightier nations than yourselves. Every place on which the sole of your froot treads shall be yours, from the wilderness….even to the western sea…..No man shall be able to stand against you….

Behold, I set before you today a blessing and a curse.” (Deuteronomy 11: 13-17, 22-25a, 26a” NKJV)

I love Deuteronomy.

Though very ancient, its words are immediate, commanding, and precise. As you read through Deuteronomy, notice the number of times you see the word “Today.” As our loving Heavenly Father laid down these basic building blocks of relationship with Him, he was not interested in just the “process of sanctification” but the TODAY of decisions!

This is such a powerful passage. I have it highlighted and underlined several times over in my Bible. I return to it again and again for it’s “bottom line” message…and one that my wandering heart needs to hear over and over.

Some people, reading these passages with all the “commands” and “commandments” only hear God yelling at them. Think about that. What are some of the reasons someone might feel God was yelling at them in this passage?

We all have a filter, a lens that interprets what we read into emotion in our hearts.

Stop right now and think about the shape of your heart lens…your emotional filters. Identify things in your life, your thought processes, your personality, or your experiences that might somehow color or distort your interpretation of the scriptures. These are so important to know, since they will strongly influence the Holy Spirit’s ability to give you revelation about His Truth, and your ability to have a “teachable spirit” and receive it as a fresh "word" from Him.

When I read this passage, I hear God’s strength and his great Love. I see his strong arm coming down to draw a line in the sand as if to say: “I’m trying to save your life here, beyond this line there is danger! If you cross this line, you will be in trouble because there are consequences to these actions...

YOU DON’T KNOW ME…so I’m telling you who I AM and about my nature and character. I LOVE YOU and I want you to love me from your heart, with all that is within you…and I’m trying to tell you how to show your love for me and keep a good relationship with me.

But most of all, these things I’m telling you are for YOU! These precepts will protect you, and prosper you, and give you a hope and a future in the land we will adventure to together.”

So as you read this passage, and as we journey to the high places together, remember that what you are learning and what God reveals to you in this process will have an immediacy. TODAY is the day when you do something about it. Today is the day of salvation.

Let's put this into a more relational context. I once heard a teaching by a Messianic Jewish Rabbi regarding an ancient betrothal ceremony. As I recall, he explained that when a man wanted to ask a young woman to be his wife that he or he and his Father, would go to the girl’s house with wine to ask for her hand in marriage. They would sit at the table and he would pour two glasses of wine, one for himself, and one for the young lady. He would place the chalice in front of her and wait.

If the young lady picked up the chalice and drank from it, then he would also drink and he would complete the “troth” or covenant of betrothal. From that time forward, he would begin the preparations to create a home for her and she would continue to live with her parents until the appointed day that the house was ready. This process could take months, even years. If she refused to drink from the cup, then the man would walk away and no covenant was made. He offered, she was free to refuse. But the relationship suffered or was broken.

But, if betrothal was made, when the house was ready and the wedding feast prepared, he and his friends would dress up in their finest and come to get her and bring her into his house where they would consummate the marriage pledge started oh, so long ago. There would be much feasting and much wine and partying!

Read the scriptures above again. With these words, God is setting the chalice before you and you must CHOOSE….will you accept his offer of betrothal? Or will you walk away from the banquet He is preparing for you? It’s as simple as that….and as challenging as that. It is a covenant---sacred, immutable, and eternal. It’s serious business.

The “commands” of our Father are there to help us come into a marriage relationship as the Bride of Christ. They will help us stay pure and to have hearts that can receive Him when He comes to us…if we drink from the cup.

While it is impossible for us as human beings to be perfect, and we all struggle with sins both great and small on almost a daily basis, our loving Father is helping us in these passages to be better, to be MORE than we are on our own.

He is showing us important precepts to help us guard our hearts and to have hope and strength and relationship with Him….not based on WORKS, but for the LOVE OF HIM that we have in our hearts.

This is Love He has given us from inside Himself when we choose to come into relationship with Jesus. He puts this love in our hearts and then he cultivates it like a seed destined to grow into a flourishing plant yielding the fruit of His “agape” Love in our spirits and in our lives…TODAY!

This journey upon which embark together today will take a few weeks to walk through, but in the end, my prayer is that the Holy Spirit will reveal something fresh and new to you about your relationship with Him and your Life in Him.

Some Jesus with your Latte...

2010-09-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

This note is a little out of order. I promised a note about "High Places." But this came up in the interim and I wanted to process with you. What have you experienced in your life with regard to allowing God to excavate your soul? Read on....

I was reading an recent article in Christianity Today talking about Hipster Faith. I found it interesting in several ways, and began to process about how we see Jesus in these days.

In the "Emerging Church" movement, it seems that many people are being drawn to Church and the Fellowship of the Saints, but it "feels" more like a "come have some Jesus with your Latte" instead of a "come take up your Cross and die daily" call to Faith. This was the kind of faith I was raised on...down and dirty; no frills!

Now I realize that every generation must redefine how they worship for themselves. But I wonder about a correlation with the Parable Jesus taught about the seed sewn along the path. Some seed fell on hardened ground, some on stony, some on weed-choked terrain, and some on good soil. The seeds on hard, stony, and weed infested soil did not grow deep roots or thrive, and some actually just died. None of them really produced fruit that would last.

Are we refusing to allow the Holy Spirit to dig deep in our spirit? To painfully till up our ground, gather up the hard rocks, kill the weeds, and break up our fallow ground? Have we grown too busy, too distracted, too unconcerned, too eaten up with torpor to care?

When I was growing up, our family had a little garden in the back yard. Oh how I lamented spending perfectly good Summer days pulling weeds, hoeing the beans, tomatoes, squash and such, when others were playing! Then there was the getting all wet and sticky from watering the plants at sunset because our garden hose had a leak, and being bitten by every mosquito between the garden and the house when it was time to wander in for dinner. Raising a garden was PAINFUL for a 10 year old! (smiles!)

But then, when it was dinner time, and we were all washed up, we would sit down at the table and throw down to the most delicious, lightly-salted, mouth-watering tomatoes, "just-strung" green beans (with a little bacon fat to flavor), freshly dug potatoes slathered in butter, and some chicken. Ah...the fruits of our labor! Most times, I didn't have dessert, but instead chose a second helping of veggies.

Our garden was especially lush and we were still digging potatoes even after the frost had come in the Fall. The apple tree whose roots went deep under the garden, also benefited from all the care we gave to our vegetables and produced many, many good apples. We froze a lot of food and canned a lot ourselves...and that garden fed us all winter long. It bore "much fruit."

While I respect the "emerging church" movement for trying to breathe some life into stale American (and sometimes un-Biblical) Christianity, I think in a lot of ways it lacks depth. It is a young movement....but where is the discipleship from spiritual mothers and fathers in the faith? Where is our intensity and hunger for Jesus and for His Kingdom on this earth? Where are our hearts?

Take a look at your own relationship with Father God. Are you spending time alone with Jesus, face to face, searching His Word, seeking His beautiful Face, worshipping Him one on one? Are you throwing down your heart at His throne and crying out to Him for your family, your church, your community, the world...and your own soul?

Is the soil of your heart broken and open, or busy and stony and hard and weed-infested? What kind of seed is being planted in your spirit? FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, BBC? Just sayin'.....

Beloved of the Father, have you prostrated yourself before the Beautiful One to worship and adore Him, be nourished by Him, Loved by Him, and then to just "be" in His Presence and listen to what He would speak to your spirit?

These are not easy things to do. They require effort and focus at first. They require a sacrifice of pleasure and time and energy and "self." And don't be surprised that as you do, there are things He will call you to lay down at the foot of His Cross in order to take up your own to truly follow Him...and that can be a very painful and incredibly wonderful process.

I challenge you: Don't just fit Jesus in to your lifestyle. Lay down yours to take up His. Allow Him to dig up your "fallow" ground, throw out the rocks, kill the weeds, and go deep to turn up soil that hasn't seen the light of day (His Light) in a long time.

Then, and only then will your soil be "broken" enough to allow roots from the seed He has planted there to grow deep and strong to nourish your shallow soul into richness, and to become more fruitful than you have ever been. Being broken is painful, but fruitful.

In one of my favorite songs, U2 sings: "A mole digging in a hole, digging up my soul now, going down, excavation! Higher now, in the sky, you make me feel like I could fly so high! Elevation!" I believe this describes the work of the Holy Spirit. To go higher, you have to let God dig deeper.

Are you willing to start that process? To have more than a "little Jesus with your Latte?"

Next time: High Places

Tess Cox

The Prayer of Madness

2010-08-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Submitting to soul surgery is one of the most foundational issues we will ever face as Christians…how far will we allow God to go in re-creating us in His image and what will we allow him to do? Paul says, “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless, I live because Christ lives in me, and the life I live now in the flesh, I can live because of the grace of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.” Again, in Philippians Paul says, “…that I might share in the fellowship of his suffering…”

In 1 Peter, we read, “Be holy, because I am holy” says the Lord.” And later, “without holiness, no man shall see the Lord.”

What is required to be like Jesus? What does it mean to be holy? What does it take to allow this process to take root in our lives?

The answer to those questions lies in our attitude towards pain. Jesus said in the gospel of John that if He is persecuted, then we, too, should expect to be persecuted in this world for His Name’s sake. But, outside of worldly persecution, there is a pain that comes not from the enemy, but from our Father himself. Jesus said, “he whom the Father loves, He chastens.”

What does the word, “chastens” mean? On the surface, I have always taken it to mean “to discipline”. But Mirriam-Webster Dictionary says this:

1 : to correct by punishment or suffering : DISCIPLINE; also : PURIFY
2 a : to prune of excess (as a work or style of art), pretense, or falsity : REFINE b : to cause to be more humble or restrained : SUBDUE

When I was traveling with the national touring company of The Greatest Star of All (by Lenny LeBlanc and Greg Gulley), we received video instruction on discipleship issues from Youth With A Mission (YWAM). Among those lessons was one particular tape we were required to watch over and over again: The Roots and Fruits of Pride.

   As I recall, the lesson was heart-breaking, pride breaking, and one of the most life-changing teachings I have ever received. To that point, I had always thought of pride as being arrogance, haughtiness, and thinking of one’s self as being better than others.

But that teaching revealed to me that Pride is nothing more than thinking, caring, and desiring for ourselves more than we do for those around us. It motivates us to think of our selves first…how things will affect US, move US, benefit US…and that our behavior follows suit.

   Pride, caring only about self-comfort and convenience causes us to say to the world around us, “Go, be blessed and be at peace” without lifting a finger to make it so for them. God forbid we should be inconvenienced by another’s need. A prideful person is focused on his/her own suffering, his/her own cares, and is always considering how every situation will affect them...BEFORE stopping to consider how others are faring.

   Pride says, "I am a Servant Leader!" with the emphasis on LEADER.
   Pride says, "I can't live like this...God is not being fair to me."
   Pride says, "I deserve better" when the world all around him is falling apart.

Filthy, filthy rags.

   Of course, living a life of humility, of servanthood...the life of the towel and the bowl...is not in our nature. Yet Jesus stooped to wash our feet. He stooped to wash our dirt accumulated through years of dusty travel down sinful roads that never quite seem to head straight in His direction, no matter how loudly he calls out to us to follow in His footsteps. It is only when we STOP for a moment, and allow him access to our dirt, our death, our disease, that His Spirit can do the work, and the divine surgery begins.

   Surgery...we must choose to lie down on the table. We must choose to allow our insides to be carved up, rearranged, and in some cases amputated in order to become more in Spirit and life like the One who stoops to wash our feet.

How are you allowing the Holy Spirit access to your insides? your character? your heart? your desires? Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:31 "....I die daily." He is constantly laying down his life to God, and allowing his flesh to be put to death through the life-giving Spirit of Jesus.

If we are to be more like Him, we must do the same; not through our "works" but through a hunger for God that outweighs all other desires and loves. Through an abandonment to Him that says, "do what You will...I surrender All." And, through a desperation that cries out for the knife..."make me like You, whatever the cost."

It is a prayer that Father God will answer with passion, love, care, and not without some pain. He calls us to surrender to the knife if we want to go deeper in relationship and love with Him. It must be so. We will have our Gethsemene or, like the rich young ruler, go away sad because we possess much and are unwilling or too fearful to let go. And such a fear belies within us a faulty trust that does not believe we are safe in the hands of God.

If you find yourself in such a place, ask for faith. Jesus will provide it from his own bosom to your. Ask for mercy, it will be poured out. Ask for courage to hand over your heart, soul, identity, and security in complete abandonment to Him who holds your life in His hands.

But be ready. Because once you have prayed the prayer of madness, "Lord do what you will, make me like You" it's a done deal, and He will take you at your word. You may cry out in pain, "make it stop!" and He may relent for a while, but ever will He seek to begin the work again because He is preparing you to rule and to reign and take your place by His side in the Kingdom of Truth and Light. And for that to occur, it requires change. It requires spiritual surgery.

Next time: High Places

Tess

Soul Surgery

2010-08-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

What can I say?

We’ve all been through it…whether we entered the door willingly, even naively, or whether we were dragged through it kicking and screaming…we’ve all been to our own spiritual O.R.

It’s cold.

We’re exposed.

Sometimes draped to protect the parts that aren’t going to be worked on.

Sometimes slightly anesthetized, but most of the time NOT.

And the Holy, All-powerful Surgeon walks in and CUTS.

Oh! The pain!

Excruciating.

Annihilating.

Mind-numbing PAIN.

What made us do it?

What made us pray that prayer?

What madness pushed us to ask God to make us more like His Son?

What caused us to give consent for the Creator of the Universe to surgically alter our souls?

What could have possibly possessed us to walk into that O.R. under our own volition and lie down on that altar and submit to the knife?

Soul Surgery. It is one of the most integral means our Creator and Father uses to take our hardened hearts and restore proper circulation and life into our dying spirits. But the process is excruciating by necessity…or we can never reach intimacy with Christ, walk in our destiny in Him, understand our own hearts and identity, and partake of all the promises he has given us. The key is submission, but the price is loss and pain.

Sounds like loads of fun, doesn't it? Yet we know that without undergoing "the knife" of the Holy Spirit, we will never develop depth of spirit or character. And without His gentle surgical care, many things that lie deep inside us will never become exposed...and we will never grow more into the likeness of Jesus.

With this blog, I hope to "go there" with you; into the depths that we must sometimes plunge in order to be reborn a little more into the likeness of Jesus. We'll talk about what it feels like to undergo surgery without the anesthesia and what it feels like to survive it...and recover and heal. Keep your eyes open. This is not going to be easy.