UNSTICK YOUR SELF

Also, please reference the new book, "UNSTUCK" by Michael Ross. (Barbour Books, 2012) 
I contributed some of the writing for this book!  I hope you read it!


Hello Friends,


I have been processing a lot the past four years.  God has used unusual, heart rending, incomprehensible timing to shake me to my core and to help me find new, unforeseen personal limits.  It took long enough.  


Many times during this 4-year season of my life, I've questioned my self, my decisions, and God.  Mostly God.  I have never stopped believing His promises to me, but I have stopped pretending that what I thought was His will...actually was.  I've been hurt, angry, defiant, rebellious, and sad.  I've also been happy, joyful, brave, persevering, caring and watchful of others.  Total schizophrenia at times.  Torn between restlessness and rest, resignation and determination.   And it wasn't until I was all those things that I saw some deep, harsh truths about the state of my soul and my identity.  It sucked.


My heart has been stripped bare...and it has been a painful unveiling in many ways, and a reassuring one in others.  There are many things I have learned, but one lesson is this:  keep going, don't stop, and if you get stuck, let other people help pull you from the "Slough of Despond." (The Pilgrim's Progress, Paul Bunyon)

I've started writing again, which is a sign for me that my heart has re-engaged in my own life and has stepped away from it's war waged against unmet expectations and disappointment and has decided to call a truce.  Interesting how the ear perks up and how much better you can hear when you're not screaming.    And as I've been writing again, I've noticed something:  

My computer gets stuck….a lot.

I’ve had it for four years now and even with extra room on my hard drive (thanks, Mac Superstore!) it still processes slowly from time to time when I have four web pages open, plus Facebook, Gmail, Word for Mac and iCal open at the same time.  That's a heavy load for my little computer.  It gets overwhelmed sometimes and heats up, it's working so hard.  If it had them, I'm sure it's little sweat glands would have those ugly stains under the armpits of its little red plastic cover.

I’ve noticed that when it seems to get stuck downloading, or buffering, or opening programs, it seems to "think" and “work” faster if I keep moving the cursor around than when I just sit there and let it stew, and think, and process some more, then stew a little bit more and think and….yep, it’s frustrating. 

Moving the cursor helps…why, I’m not exactly sure.  But I have a theory that keeping that little arrow dancing around the desktop helps to remind my sweet little Mac that it needs to keep going because someone is counting on it to work.  It’s a collaboration:  I won’t yell and throw it across the room, (not that I’ve ever actually done that…only threatened to) and it gives me what I want.

It’s a cautionary tale…what do we humans do when we get stuck?  We might sit, stall out, mope around, not move, and get absolutely nothing done because we are “stuck” processing and thinking about the thing that has us semi-paralyzed.  We can get overheated, and cease to function.  Some of us crash.  The past four years:  been there, done that.  

Something comes up and we are confused and can’t make a decision….we process.  And process.  And process.  When I was a kid, if your television station was having difficulties, it would say:  "Please stand by."  That was hard if you just about to find out who shot JR or whether or not your favorite soap opera character lived or died.  It was the last thing you wanted to happen.  

“Working” is what the old computers used to say…now it’s just spinning rainbow wheels and inverting sand glasses...but there is no visible evidence of result.  Stuck…with no results.  we get that way, too.  And as it happens, a lot of the time, there's someone waiting for us to figure it out and as Tim Gunn says, "make it work."

So I sit, waiting on my computer to finish thinking.  and when it starts taking too long, i start hitting the ESCAPE button trying to take things off its plate so it has less to deal with, or can ignore something I've asked it to do.  It’s frustrating.  If computers had feelings, it might be frustrated at having to process so much of my “crap” at the same time, too.  We have a lot in common there….

Everyone gets stuck.  We try to be patient.  We try to wait on God, (or Centurylink, in my case), or for our lives to straighten out, or that wonderful person to love us, or the weight to magically fall off, or our book to somehow write itself and our inspiration to rise from the dead.  

But sometimes in that process, we just can't stand it any more and start hitting the ESCAPE button....to run away from our overwhelming, overloaded lives, and just BE for a while.  Everyone has their own buttons they push to escape.  What is yours?  Sometimes they are healthy and give us life, and refresh us, and sometimes they make things worse...and cause us to become stuck or mired even more deeply.

What can you do?  I've discovered something true.  If you don’t want to founder on the rocks of indecision, or get stuck in the mire of too much analysis:  keep moving.  That's not to say there isn't something to be said for seasons in our lives when God wants us to STOP because He wants us to stop fidgeting and get quiet so we can listen and see what He is saying to us. 

Lent is a perfect time for stripping down to essentials, getting quiet and listening, rending our hearts to make them vulnerable to His work. 

But Lent can also be a time when we turn our eyes outward, away from our mire, our boggy narcissistic existence and "see with new eyes" as John Michael Talbot sings.  And it can be a time when we find life by moving in a new direction and giving ourselves to something or someone other than ourselves.  And in that movement become unstuck and renewed in some way.

Move SOMETHING!  It might be your feet, or your house, or your mind, or your car; your budget your dog or your job….just keep engaging in life somehow.  Volunteer, take a class, paint a picture, make some jewelry.  In NCIS, Gibbs builds boats in his basement.  Keep moving.  Keep working at something.  Create while you process.

Keep living your life, have some fun, spend some time with friends, and with God in extended worship or meditating on the Word.  Stay in conversation with Him even if you don't perceive that He hears or speaks back to you.  Keep talking.  Keep moving.  Don’t stop your life because you’re waiting for something to come along and kick you out of the bog.  

I love Dora's little song:  "just keep swimming, just keep swimming."  from Finding Nemo.  I sang that little song to myself many, many times over the past four years.  And it became a mantra.  It was a effective for me as singing, "God will make a way, where there seems to be no way."  It was my hymn on some very stuck days.

Just keep dancing…..you’ll come to an answer faster and a decision will become evident at some point, even if it takes years.  And in the mean time, you may have helped a friend, sung a song, realized some Heavenly Truth, and learned how to keep from getting too deep in confusion…or built a boat.  And who knows when you’ll need one of those to keep from drowning?  Or to save someone else?  

Keep moving somehow.  The answer will come faster.  And your heart will be better for it on the other side, when your download speed is a little more efficient and that episode of NCIS doesn’t take 10 minutes to buffer before you can watch it.  In the illustrious words of the Madagascar theme song, you've got to "move it, move it...." 

Just keep dancing....even if the music seems to have stopped.  It works to help you "unstick" yourself.  And friends help too...and sometimes, they can dance with you because they've had to dance to that tune before, too, and they already know all the steps.  Just keep your cursor moving to help point you in some direction, even if it makes no sense.  It will speed things up.  

blessings,

Tess