DRAMA

THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW

I’ve been processing quite a bit these past couple of weeks about a hurt I received at the hands of someone I thought was a friend.  And in the twists and turns of my head and my heart dancing in and out and around the facts and feelings, I have reached clarity about a great gift I have been given.


Back in Virginia Beach where I lived for 15 years, I was a part of a wonderful church community called New Life.  It was a cell-based church, comprised of many, many cells (small groups) which met as local church bodies all over south Hampton Roads and into North Carolina.


The group of deep friendships God blessed me with there is nothing short of a miracle…a spiritual anomaly it seems.  Some people have 1 or maybe 2-3 friends who are trustworthy and close enough to tell your secrets to.  I had 25.  I could name every one of them right now if I had to.  And that was just my close friends.  My entire circle of good friends comprised about 30-50 peeps.  


A distinguishing characteristic of this close-knit group was that we all walked through our lives together; everyone sharing and having things in common, eating, playing, crying, praying, walking together.  


The reason why these past two weeks have been so startling for me out here in Colorado is this:  I just realized that I now have a few friends out here who fit into this category, and I am very blessed.  But larger than that is my sudden realization that what made my group of friends in Virginia so special is that we were a living Body of Christ.


If one part hurt, we all hurt.  If one part rejoiced, we all rejoiced.  And, when one of us walked through the valley of the shadow of death….we were not alone.  In fact, there was a crowd, because we squeezed in and shuffled through that valley together.  We never walked that path alone.  Not only did we have Jesus(the Head) with us, but everybody else came along too….His WHOLE Body came along on the dark journey.  And if one of us fell or began to lag behind or crawl for lack of strength, there were those who were watching, and took notice, and lagged behind to bear witness, speak encouragement, and at times, carry the member who could no longer stand in their own strength.


And being a part of such a community taught me to open my arms wide, and my heart wider….it taught me to invite everyone in my life to come along with me on my journey…and to walk with others when they needed true companionship on the way.  We all go together.  We include one another in our lives, our hurts, our loves, our joy, our deepest sorrow and darkness.  We all go together down that path as the Body.  We all go together.  


I pondered over the past several days whether or not I was wrong to be so open about my journey with people here who do not have the history with me to understand where I’m coming from in my “inclusive” lifestyle…of including everyone I know in my journey and loving them and nurturing those relationships with everything in my heart.  It really bothered me to think that I was going to have to tone down who I am in order to be acceptable to those who are “sick of the drama” (to quote one email I got) of my life over the past year and a half (and still ongoing, I’m afraid).  


Then, I read this quote by William James found in John Baillie’s “A diary of Readings” (1955):  “If you say that this is absurd, and that we cannot be in love with everyone at once, I merely point out to you that, as a matter of fact, certain persons do exist with an enormous capacity for friendship and for taking delight in other people’s lives; and that such persons know more of truth than if their hearts were not so big.”

I picked this book off my bookshelf, having not read it since I paid a couple of dollars for it at a garage sale a few years ago.  It has traveled across the country with me and from place to place.  But today was the first time I actually opened it…and this was the passage it fell open to in my hands.  And it woke me up.  My friend, Cisco, keeps telling me, “Be who you are…just be you and don’t worry about people.”  This passage was a message from God reminding me that I AM a person who loves everyone at once, takes delight in other people’s lives and stories, and that my heart is big….and that’s the way HE made me.  


And suddenly in the midst of anxiety and angst and worry and doubt…I was freed to be me again and to accept that I can go on doing what I do and being who I am, no matter whether or not it challenges other people in their lives because my adventure is filled with drama!    And what a life it is!


Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me….not just the Head (Jesus) but the whole Body comes along.  It’s a crowd.  Never alone in the valley.  Never alone.  And I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.